How Is Fear Influencing Your Love Life?
“He hurt me so much, that I just couldn’t breathe. I tried to calm down, but the thought of seeing myself in the future without him, was killing me slowly. There is no future without him in it”.
Yes, this was me around 6 years ago, heartbroken, crying, with a panic attack after being rejected by my former partner. “What did I do wrong? Did I not love him enough, because I gave him all I had? Am I not good enough? How am I going to survive without him? Am I going to survive this?”
Well, I did survive, as I am writing this article now. But let me tell you, it was not easy. Have you been in a similar experience in your life? Then you must know how devastating it can be. Especially for someone young, inexperienced, that puts all their hopes and dreams in that relationship, without having any idea of self-love and also… as important: how to control their fear.
And I was afraid! In my relationship, I used to be afraid of:
- Not being cheated on
- Not being loved
- Not being accepted
- Not being pretty enough
- Not being good enough
- Not being sexy enough
- Not being attractive enough
- Not being interesting enough
- Not being a good communicator
- Not being lonely
And you know as well as I do that the list can continue for a few more pages at least. I was afraid of everything. Even to breathe on my own. How did I get these fears? From childhood, undealt with issues from my teens, experiences I have misinterpreted or maybe even imagined. Negative feelings that needed to be constantly fed and limiting beliefs I did know I had. You are born knowing that apples are only red. But you learn that there are green ones too. And even yellow!
You don’t know what you don’t know. And it’s OK. From where else I had those fears? It doesn’t even matter. What’s important is how to get rid of them. And this is what I did. And you can put this in practice right now as well.
- I got a pen and a piece of paper and started to write down all that bothered me in my love life.
This practice is so important to make sure that you get everything that bothers you out of your system. Getting everything out on paper has a magic meaning: you get to be so much more conscious about those issues and eventually, once you are fully aware where’s the problem, you get to a point when you get to wonder if that’s a problem anymore. Your mind understands the situation better and starts to look for solutions on the spot.
- Then I made a goal for my future love life: how do I want to feel from now on in my relationship?
- Continue with these questions: How do I want my future partner to be, treat me, look and what will our life be together?
These final questions are immensely powerful. Once you decide that you need to be 100% sincere with yourself, you begin to respect yourself more and more. You begin to attract exactly the type of relationship and partner that you wish and you become that type of person as well.
To hearing about nothing but love from now on.
I’ll see you soon,
Roxana